It's Not Always About Getting Even
by ElisabethFish
Summary: Alex is returning back to Litchfield, Piper doesn't really know how to deal with this. Things will get worse before it's even possible for them to get better.
1. Orange Again

To not know how someone is doing is bad,

To know that they are in danger might be worse.

* * *

Piper was just walking towards the cafeteria when she heard the starting rumour of Alex being seen walking through the prison hallways.

She lowered her head and tried to just tone them all out, how could she be this stupid, she had let the anger and emotions got the best of her.

The food line was not very long yet, seeing as it was relatively early, Piper took her tray and sat by herself. It wasn't long before the sound of two trays being put on the table across from her was heard.

"Hey Chapman, you heard yet, Vause is back" asks Nicky while sitting down.

Piper lower her head again and start moving the food around on her plate "I just heard people whispering about that, it's probably just another rumour, you know how it goes around here'.

It's when Lorna speaks up that she completely stiffens

"Ya see that is definitely not a rumour, I just drove her in, got her a toothbrush and all, she didn't even look half that sad to be back here, she looked thinner though, seemed like something was bothering her'.

"Maybe you could cheer her up, now she's back you could be not lesbians again" Grinned Nicky coyly.

Before Piper knows it she's up on her feet and running to the bathrooms, some CO's yelled at her not to run but she completely ignores them. She makes it just in time before emptying her stomach in the toilet bowl. Once done she walks back to her bunk and lowers herself on the bed. Putting her head in her hands she squeezes her eyes shut. Her thoughts are running wild.

"I did this to her, I was so mad at Alex for selling me out, now I did the exact same, she could have been half way across the country by now, but I had to tell on her. She was free, now she's back in this fucked up place because of me".

The feeling of wetness on her sleeves tells her she started to cry. Time passes before she feels the bed softly dip beside her. She glances over and sees Nicky looking at her with concerned eyes. Her face tells she's not certain what to say, and she's looking for words.

"Vause came in for dinner just after you left, she asked for you, I told her you didn't take the news so well, stupid question but I'm gonna ask anyway, you alright?"

Piper looked at her and lets out a deep breath "I don't really know how to feel, she was out, now she's back in" a set of fresh tears start falling from my eyes "this is all my fault"

Nicky gets closer and puts a comforting arm around her shoulders. "Look seeing someone come back in is always fucked up. We care about each other, become some weird ass family, and when one of us gets out, we miss them like hell, but we never want to see them walking back in here, orange suit and all, and I'm sorry this happened. She fucked you over in Chicago, but this is not your fault, she told you to lie, you did, for her! Maybe this isn't even about that"

She gives her shoulder a comforting squeeze "I'm not good with this mushy shit, so just talk with her, I know it's hard but it's not like you can ignore her forever, you're in fucking prison, where is there to go really".

Piper wipes at her eyes angrily willing to stop herself from crying "I can't talk to her, she will hate me even more, we just started to talk again, I fucked this up big time!"

Taking her arm from around Pipers shoulder and grabbing her hand in hers Nicky starts "And just because you started talking again, you should talk to her, she needs you now, how could she be mad at you, you guys talked about the Chicago situation didn't you? That was not your fault, she fucked that one up, hell I wouldn't be as nice to her as you are. You talked about her being in danger, maybe it has something to do with that and she did something else"

Piper stands up and out of Nicky's grasp yelling "This is not about the Chicago situation, neither is it about her doing something else. This is about me, being responsible for her being in here again!"

Nicky looks her up and down before throwing her hands up in the air "I don't understand this shit one bit"

Piper paces for a while in the small prison bunk before sitting down next to Nicky again signing deeply she starts "She told me she was planning on leaving the city, escaping her parole officer"

lowering her voice to a whisper she ads "I told on her"

Nicky lets out a mad chuckle "Well that's pretty fucked up"

Piper snorts at that "See! I don't know what to do now, how am I going to look at her knowing I took her freedom from her, I'm so stupid!"

"Look, do what you want; I just think the better thing to do now is to just talk with her, rather sooner than later, no escaping here"

"Thanks Nicky, you give better advice than you take credit for"

"Well.. you know, I try, though this shit is hard, and I'm kinda mad at you for doing this to Alex, I mean she's cool, maybe she'll give you enough shit for this for the both of us" says Nicky while treading her fingers through her big hair.

At this Piper lets out a small chuckle "Thanks, that's comforting. I would deserve all she'll let come my way though"

"Just talk to her Chapman, I don't wanna get involved, and I also think it's probably better she hears all this from you, it'll be alright" Nicky pulls her in for a hug and Piper stays like that for a little while, hoping this will all just disappear.

However Nicky pushes her back softly and clears her throat, moving her head around to signal her she should look behind her. When Piper turns around she's met with the sight of Alex Vause standing in front of her bunk.

"Hi Pipes, uuh.. Surprise.. I guess" Alex says with a little uneasy smile.

"Al..Alex, I'm sorry, I..I have to go" tears stream down her face, and without any further explanation Piper is up and running past Alex, who tried to grab her wrist.

She looks at Nicky with questioning eyes gesturing down her body.

"Does this orange look that bad on me?"


	2. Back To Square One

In sight, trying to get out of heart is so much harder

* * *

Alex was on a mission, she was wandering through the prison hallways in search for Piper.

She looked pretty distraught back there, and she could see from her face she had been crying for quite some time.

Nicky wasn't really giving much answers either, after asking what was going on, she had just shrugged her shoulders and walked past her sending her a little wink on her way.

The idea of not knowing terrified her just a little, sure Piper and her had just started talking again, and she didn't expect her to be jumping out of joy for seeing her back in prison, but this reaction was as strange as ever.

By this point she looked everywhere, the chapel, the yard, the track, cafeteria, the rec room, even in all the bathrooms. No side of Piper anywhere.

Even though the laundry room was closed at this time, she decided to check anyway, as it was practically the only place she hadn't checked.

She reached the bottom of the stairs and opened the door to be greeted by pitch black. Piper wouldn't be here sitting around in the dark now, would she? Just as she decided to leave and check the chapel again she heard a soft sob from somewhere in the dark.

"Pipes?" She was met with another sob.

"Piper are you alright, where are you? Wait a sec let me get the lights" She started feeling around the wall where the light switch should be at, from what she recalled from her memories.

For the first time Piper spoke up and it made Alex jump just a little out of surprise.

"I'm so sorry Alex, just leave me please"

After this the sobbing got louder. Alex finally got the light switch and flicked the light on. She looked around the room searching, only to find a glimpse of blonde hair peeking out from behind one of laundry baskets.

She walked over and looked at Pipers form, all bundled up in a small corner, sobbing with her head in her hands. Alex readjusted her glasses nervously before quietly crouching down in front of her and putting her hands softly on Pipers.

"Piper what happened, what's wrong?" there was just silence staring back at her. She decided to sit down next to her completely and pull her against her softly, putting her arms around Piper, hugging her against her.

Piper just sobbed harder after which Alex threaded her hands through her hair soothingly.

"It's alright, let it all out Pipes, I'm here it's gonna be alright"

"How's this going to be alright Alex, you are back in prison, nothing is alright with that"

Alex lays her hand on her chin and lifted Pipers head to get her to look at her.

"Is that what this is about" she flickered her eyes away for a second before looking at Piper again, dreading her next question "are you disappointed in me, for being in here again? For getting out in the first place?"

Piper looked at her before signing softly "No Alex, we talked about the Chicago thing numerous times, you explained it all and I understand, I really do, and of course I'm not disappointed in you, you should be disappointed in me though"

Alex wipes Pipers face a little before asking "Than what is going on, why should I be disappointed in you? Whatever it is, just tell me, I will help you if I can, you know that right?"

She looks away before replying "I know, It's just you can't, not this time Alex, I need some time to think"

"Okay, I can give you time, if that is what you want Pipes, you don't have to tell me anything if you're not ready for it, as long as you are not in any danger or something"

"Al, I can assure you I'm not in any kind of danger" She puts her hand over Alex's which still lays on her cheek "You know I love you right?" Alex looked at her questioning "Yeah I know Pipes, and I uuh love you too"

Piper draws in a deep breath before saying "Which is why I can't do this anymore Alex, I just need to be alone, I'm not good for you, ans this all is not good for me"

Alex let go of Piper after this before moving away harshly "What! This again, you are shitting me right Pipes? It's always the same, we are getting somewhere, and you push me away. Each fucking time, and who are you to tell me what is and what is not good for me" Her eyes are getting watery before she says "Please don't do this to me now Piper, I just got back in prison, please don't leave me, I need you"

Piper gets up after this and dries her eyes "I'm sorry Alex, I need to do this, it's best for the both of us to just be apart"

Alex gets up with her and looks at her with wild eyes "This is about him again isn't it, you are back together with fucking Larry isn't it, and now you feel guilty and don't want to make the same mistakes again, well congratu-fucking-lations on getting back together" Alex pushes her aside and starts to leave.

"Alex wait, I can't tell you what's going on with my right now, simply because I don't know either, and don't really know what to do or tell to you, but you must know I'm not back with Larry, that is officially over, he uuhm he cheated on me as well, with…with Polly"

Alex stops after hearing this and looks over her shoulder "Oh that sucks, I'm sorry, I know she's like your best friend and all, told you Larry is an ass though, talk to me when you're ready and are willing to tell me why you are fucking leaving me again, other than that, just leave me the hell alone" After this she walks out with her head hanging low.

Piper stays in the laundry for some time before making her way back to her bunk.

Arriving there she lays down on her bed burying her head under her pillow, thinking "what just happened, I should have told her, now she will be beating herself up over the fact that she doesn't know".

The red lights go on indicating she had to stay in front of her bunk for count. Piper picks herself up and leans against the outside of the wall, from the corner of her eyes she sees Nicky staring at her.

She looks at her and Nicky lifts her eyebrows questioning, Piper just shrugs her shoulders and shakes her head no, mouthing to her "I couldn't"

In the dark she lies awake looking at the cealing thinking "What have I done". Constantly reliving Alex standing before her bunk saying "Hi Pipes" she looked so lost and uneasy, maybe nervous even, afraid Piper would judge her, afraid of her reaction. It makes her wonder what Alex reaction will be if she told her the truth.

That night Piper cries herself to sleep.

* * *

**A/N**

**If you made it this far I just wanted to thank you for reading, English is not my first language (as you probably can tell) so I'm sorry for the errors. I'm still learning how this website really works as well, since I'm new in the writing department. So thanks again, and enjoy your day/ night, wherever you are.**


	3. Unlucky Stories

By telling a lie, you're making up the story.

* * *

Someone poking her cheek is what wakes her.

"Rise and shine Chapman, we are gonne take a shower, maybe it will do some good to that mess of a face you're having right now"

Piper blinks her eyes to find Nicky standing there, she groans some before replying "I'm not going to shower, I just want to lay her and pretend nothing has changed"

"Come on, it might do you good" She wiggles her eyebrows some before continuing "Maybe we can share"

Pulling the blanked over her head Piper replied "Nicky, no, not going there"

Nicky pulled the blanket away  
"Jeez Piper I was only kidding, damn let a girl down easy, I know I'm not your type, you go for tall girls with dark hair en hot glasses" she winks before continuing "Seriously though, come on, at least wash your face some"

Giving in Piper gets out of bed, before gathering her bathroom supplies and walking with Nicky to the showers. There were only a few showers running yet so they didn't have to wait. Piper peeled her clothes of and got in the shower. The lukewarm water actually felt good and she slowly threaded her hands through her hair. She could do this, sure Alex and she practically lived together in this prison, still there were lots of other woman as well, what was one more or less?.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts of Alex she started washing her body and tried to concentrate on other things. "Maybe they are serving waffles for breakfast again, I like those, although I'm not really hungry right now"

After having rinsed of all the soap she gets out of the shower, bundled up in her towel.

She grabs her toothbrush and starts brushing her teeth when Nicky steps out of the shower and starts brushing her teeth as well.

"You're already looking better Chapman, told you a shower would do you good" says Nicky through a mouthful of toothpaste.

Piper chuckles and rolls her eyes at her.

That's when Alex steps out one of the other showers, her towel knotted on the side and her wet hair dripping. Piper swallows and stares blankly at her, looking her up and down before following a few droplets of water that travelled down her neck before disappearing in the valley of her breast.

Alex grabs her glasses from the sink and stares back at Piper, before a little smirk appears on her face, realising she is lost in thought toothpaste dripping from the corners of her mouth and toothbrush hanging loosely from her mouth.

That's when Nicky decides to break the tension  
"You have a little something here Chapman" she says before poking the dripping toothpaste with the back or her toothbrush. "Yup that's drool right there" she snorts loudly after this.

Piper snaps out of it and looks at Alex's face again, who sends her a wink. Spitting the remaining toothpaste out in the sink and without rinsing, she speed walks back to her bunk. Once there she realizes she forgot her clean clothes on the sink and is still clutching her toothbrush in her right hand. She throws it against the wall angrily and sits down on the bed deciding to wait a little while before getting back to retrieve her clothes.

She isn't sitting there for long before Morello appears in the opening of her bunk "Found ya clothes Chapman" She walks in putting the clothes on her bed "Ya alright? You look a little out of it"

"I'm fine" Snaps Piper back at her.

Lorna put her hands up and shrugs her shoulders "Alright I was trying to be nice, didn't mean to offend you or anything"

"I'm sorry Lorna, didn't mean to react like that, thanks for bringing me my clothes, I'm just going through some rough time that's all"

"I understand, we all have some of those days in here, must be hard to see Alex back in here" Lorna squeezes Pipers arm softly before continuing "Get dressed and come having breakfast with us, we'll save you a seat" After this she walks out.

Looking over at the empty bed of Red she can't help but feeling slightly thankful for the alone times she has, although she also hopes she'll be returning soon.

* * *

The thought of food makes her slightly nauseous, but she decided to try anyway, mostly because her stomach is pretty much empty after puking everything out last night.  
She dressed quickly before making her way over to the cafeteria. Standing in the food line she keeps her gaze lowered, not really willing to strike up any unnecessary conversations with others.

Accepting her tray she finally looks up to see Lorna mentioning her over and pointing to the empty seat beside her. She walks over and mumbles a soft "Good morning" To Yoga Jones, Big Boo and Sister Ingalls who are sitting at the table as well. They all greet her back and she looks down at her tray, nice the snotty oatmeal again, no waffles, great! Any remaining's of slight hunger disappear completely and she begins mindlessly stirring her bowl.

Nicky softly tabs her tray from across from her "Eat Chapman, your stomach must be pretty empty"

Rolling her eyes Piper lifts her spoon to her mouth and takes a big bite. Barely chewing before swallowing it down. She raises an eyebrow as if asking "Better?" Nicky nods at her encouraging and she takes another bite.

That's when Morello sees Alex walking with a tray of food and mentions her over as well.

"Hey Vause come have breakfast with us" she points to the only empty seat left at the table, which is, luckily for Piper at the other end of the table. She sits down and greets them before starting to shove her food in her mouth.

Piper lets her spoon drop in the oatmeal and shoves her tray back a little; she is officially done with her breakfast now.  
Lorna looks at her confused and Nicky shakes her head at her mouthing "Don't ask".

Alex looks over at Piper and sees she has stopped eating she sighs adjusting her glasses "What? You're not going to eat now that I'm sitting here, nice and very mature Piper"

"Not now Alex"

"Sure Piper, not ever isn't it? just eat your damn food, don't mind me, grow up!"

Piper growls at her and picks up her tray, and walks to put it away.

She hears Big Boo make a comment about how "The couple drama is back" and hears Alex tell here to "Stay the fuck out of it".

Walking outside piper decides to just sit and wait at the pick nick table till work will start.

* * *

She is working on what feels like the hundredth lamp, willing it to work, when Nicky sits next to her and says "Look Chapman, you can't keep doing this, just tell her everything and get it over with,  
now you're just keeping it all in the unknown and it has you thinking about the what if's. Tell her and see how she will react, at least then you'll know"

"I don't know Nicky, it's not like she's jumping in joy to be in here again, I feel like telling her now will only make it worse"

"So what, you want to wait till she feels better, to just make her feel like shit again, finding out you lied to her about it. Why don't you ask her about why she's in here again, maybe she already knows?

Piper scoffs at this "Yeah right, she knows and is acting like nothing is wrong, instead of coming to me yesterday and being all mad because it's my fault"

"Okay, do what you want, I'm just trying to think of a way to make things easier for you"

"Well I don't think there is an easy way out with this situation"

Chuckling Nicky replies "No shit, I figured that out as well. Why did you do it anyway?"

Piper looks at the ceiling before replying "Because I don't think before I act and made the wrong decision again"

"That doesn't really answer it though"

Yanking hard on the chord of the lamp Piper replies "I know, I guess I haven't really figured it out myself"

"Oh, well work on an explanation for her then" Nicky bums her shoulder against Pipers softly before continuing "But hey.. You seemed to like the view this morning"

It's then that Piper yanks the cord to hard and the lamp bums against her nose, making it bleed instantly.

Nicky rushes forward to hold a dirty rag that was lying around on the table against her bleeding nose "Shit Chapman, watch what you're doing will ya, luck is definitely not on your side"

Luschek walks over and inspects her nose "Looks broken if you ask me, Nichols walk her to the nurse"

Piper groans before mumbling a soft "Oww". Nicky rolls her eyes mumbling "Pussy"

Before gently shoving her towards the door. They walk to the nurse together, while Piper keeps murmuring about how much it hurts.

* * *

A clean cut, that is what it is. She didn't need to go the hospital, just wear one of those supporting plasters to keep it from moving. She has 2 of those gauzes as well, since it didn't stop bleeding completely yet.

"Looking good Piper, you gonna be alright though?" Asks Nicky once they walk out of the nurse office.

"Sure, thanks Nicky, for helping me out there, I'm just going to change out of this blood stained shirt, and maybe lay down some, as I feel a headache coming up"

Nicky looks her up and down before replying "You look kinda bad as though, anyway I'm going back to work, take it easy"

Piper thanks her again before making her way to her bunk. There she puts on her sweatshirt and looks down at her dirty shirt. "Nice that was the last clean one I had"  
She decides to gather her dirty clothes and bring them over to laundry first.

Arriving she groans when she sees that Alex is assigned back in laundry, she contemplates just leaving before realizing she has to clean her clothes eventually.  
Letting out a puff of breath, she walks over and hands the bag to Alex without really looking up at her.

Alex looks at her before concern settles over her "Yeez Pipes, what happened?'

"It's nothing, just bumped against the lamp I was working on"

Alex snorts before examining Pipers face "I take it its broken?"

Piper looks at her then before replying "Yup, clean cut"

"Remember when we were in Amsterdam, and you stumbled over one of those small posts, you fell right into my shoulder. Your nose bled so badly we putted a tampon in it to stop it, everyone looked at you funny.  
There was blood all over my shirt. It wasn't broken then though."

Piper laughs a little at this "I looked so ugly, my nose was all swollen for the next couple of days"

"You could never look ugly Pipes, you looked pretty cute, as you do now, with that little plaster" Replies Alex softly.

Snorting Piper mumbles "Yeah right"

They look at each other for a few seconds longer before Piper reminds her she's waiting for her laundry ticket. Alex hands it over to her and tells her to take care and not to move her head around too much, as it might make her nauseous.

Piper thanks her before making her way back to her bunk yet again. Laying down on her bed she realises she's pretty tired, and before she knows it she's fast asleep.

* * *

She wakes to a familiar smell and a soft hand stroking her face. She blinks to find Alex sitting quietly on her bed.

"You must have been really tired, you missed lunch and dinner Pipes, I uuhm.. I brought you some bread, since you didn't eat much this morning as well"

She feels her heart break a little for the millionth time, why did Alex have to be so sweet all the time, they are fighting and she's still looking out for her anyway.

Sitting up she smiles at her softly "Thank you Alex, you shouldn't have" she takes the plate and starts eating the bread soundly.

"So how are you feeling?"

"A little better actually, my nose is still throbbing, but the sleep did me good actually"

They stay quiet for a while till Alex speaks up again "I took your gauzes out, I was afraid they would dry and stick to your nose, I thought it would hurt to have to rip them out"

Piper touches her nose softly before realising that the gauzes were indeed gone and the bleeding stopped completely.

"Thank you Alex, how does it look" she tries to smile a little through her full mouth of bread.

"Anytime kid, and not to bad actually, still beautiful" Piper blushes a little after this.

Not much longer before Nicky and Lorna come walking in. "Hey Piper, you're up, how are you feeling honey" Asks Lorna.

"Not too bad actually, I guess I was hungry as well"

"Well good you're feeling better than you look, cause you look like shit Chapman" Nicky chimes in.

At this Piper looks at Alex rolling her eyes "Liar"

Alex just pushes her glasses up a little before smirking at her.


	4. When It Gets Too Much

I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,  
But your blade it might be too sharp  
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard.

Elastic Heart - Sia

* * *

The next morning she looks at her nose in the small bathroom mirrors. It doesn't look pretty, but it could always look worse.

Nicky, Lorna and Alex had stayed in her bunk for a while longer. They spoke about random things, it actually felt good to have Alex this close again, knowing she was safe.  
Alex was so sweet and gently with her. Just thinking about her makes the butterflies flutter wildly in her stomach again. But is makes her heart ache as well, knowing she is holding something very importing from her.

The shower did her good this morning though. With a confident stride in her step she walks to the cafeteria, gets her tray and smiles some when she sees its waffles day.  
She sits down at the table where Nicky and Lorna are chatting quietly already. She greets them with a somewhat cheery "Good morning guys".

Lorna smiles wildly at her "You're looking better Chapman, and your nose doesn't look to bad either"

Pipers chuckles at this "I know right, it could always be worse!"

Nicky snorts at this "True Chapman, you'll look like your old self soon enough"

Nodding her head Piper picks up her waffle and starts eating.

Someone puts a tray next to her on the table and without looking she knows its Alex.

Alex puts her hand on Pipers cheek and turns her head toward her softly, inspecting her face before nodding "It's already looking better Pipes, a little swollen, but less red, how are you feeling?"

Rolling her eyes Piper replies "I'm fine Alex, I can take care of myself you know"

Nicky chuckles at this saying "Sure that's why this happened in the first place, just let Vause over there take care of you, hey.. You could play nurse, should be fun!"

Blushing at this Piper looks away and takes a sip of her tea.

"We did that before when we were in Italy, we had so much fun and it was fucking hot, right Pipes?" replies Alex.

Piper starts couching and is bright red by this time.

"Guys let the girl eat, you're embarrassing her" Lorna chimes in.

They start a conversation about the food Alex had while living in Queens, for her few months on the outside.

And just like that Pipers slightly good mood is gone, and replaced with anger and disappointment in herself.  
She swallows the last bit of her waffle and gets up without saying a word. Nicky looks at her with knowing eyes but doesn't comment.

* * *

That afternoon after work she finds herself on her bed reading one of her new picked books, when Alex walks in with her clean laundry.

"Hey I brought you your laundry since I wanted to see how you were doing anyway" she sits down quietly next to Piper.

Piper looks up from her book "Thanks Alex, and I'm good nose is still throbbing that's all" she replies before going back to reading.

Alex sighs before starting "I actually wanted to ask why you walked away at breakfast this morning, is it because of what I said, I'm sorry, I was just teasing you know"

Lowering her book Piper replies "No Alex, it was nothing, I was just done eating"

"You don't just walk away like that Piper, I saw that something changed, was it because we were talking about my time on the outside"

"What actually do you want Alex" says Piper as she slightly throws her book aside.

"I want to know what is going on, why your mood changes all the time, why you push me away each fucking time!"

"I told you to stay away from me Alex, I told you I didn't want to do this anymore, I told you I needed time, we talked about this just the other day.  
You even said you would give me this time, and to stay away from you until I was ready to talk, I'm not ready Alex, THIS is not giving me TIME!" yells Piper as she gets up and starts pacing the bunk.

Alex gets up with her "I know, but then you broke your nose and I got concerned, I'm sorry for fucking caring! Who is to tell you would ever come to me to talk about it anyway, for all I know that is just a cheap excuse to get me out of your way!"

"So what if it is, what do you care? I'm free to make a decision like that! And I broke my fucking nose, no big deal, I'm not a little kid anymore Alex, I can take care of myself! I don't need you!

Alex looks down defeated before putting her glasses on top of her head replying softly  
"I just don't know how to deal with this Piper, I know you asked me to give you time and to stay away. But I can't help but feel like you're growing further away from me each time.  
I know you can take care of yourself, that you don't need me" she gets closer to Piper and takes her hands in hers before continuing  
"But what if I need you Piper, what if I just WANT to take care of you because I love you Pipes, I'm so fucking in love with you it hurts, whatever is bothering you, it will be alright, we can handle everything as long as we handle it together"

Piper's world stops after hearing this. Alex loves her, Alex is in love with her. Alex loves her like she loves Alex. She swoons before she remembers why they were arguing in the first place, she had yet to come clean about everything.  
All the while Alex keeps staring in her eyes chewing the inside of her cheek in a nervous manner.

She can't do this to Alex, she can't give her hope now. She feels the familiar sting in her eyes, alerting her she is going to cry soon.

"Pipes say something…Please"

She just can't take this anymore, and before really knowing what she's doing the words are out of her mouth.

"I'm sorry Al, I will always love you, I'm just not in love with you anymore"

Alex let's go of her hands and takes a step back after hearing this, she puts her glasses back on before looking away to collect her thoughts.  
The universe seems to shift for a second. This is really the end then, Piper rejected her again. She just doesn't want her.

Piper sees her breaking before her she, sees the tears gather in her eyes. Before she sees the walls being built back up.

Alex looks at her and Piper notices the tears slide down her cheeks, she wants to reach out and wipe them away, but she doesn't really know how to, she feels like she can't move.

"Oh" is all Alex says before she's gone.

* * *

Neither Piper nor Alex showed up for dinner.

Nicky is listening to her little radio when she walks to the chapel. Bobbing her head up and down to the rhythm of the music. She just wanted to lie on the ground between the seats and have some time for herself.

She opens the door to the chapel and sees a figure curled up against the altar. She turns of the music and puts the radio in the pocket of her hoody. Getting closer she notices the abandoned glasses next to the shaking form of Alex Vause.

She takes a cautious step and sits down next to her.  
"You wanna talk about it Vause?"

Alex just sits up but keeps on sobbing. Not really certain what to do Nicky puts an arm around her and pulls her against her.  
Alex clings to her like she's a life raft. They sit in silence until Alex finally speaks up.

"She doesn't love me"

"I'm gonna take a wild guess here and going to assume you are talking about Chapman?"

At hearing her name Alex lets out a little whine.

"I'll take that as a yes then, I'm sure she loves you Vause, kid makes a lot of stupid choices and does a lot of fucked up things but one thing is certain; she loves you just as much as you love her"

Alex snorts at this "Nope.. She doesn't, we had a talk this afternoon, she told me"

Nicky thinks for a second before replying "What exactly did she tell you?"

"That's she not in love with me anymore, I guess this is really it then. She left me all those years ago, we got together again and here we are, with her leaving me yet again.  
Maybe she never really loved me" replies Alex sitting up.

"Now that is bullshit Vause, I don't know why she told you that, but I know for certain she loves you, everyone can see it with the way she looks at you"

"I don't know how to do this again Nicky, I feel so lost"

"Maybe you should talk it out some more"

"She was pretty clear, damn she just stood there without any emotion, completely closed off, it was like I couldn't reach her"

"That is strange though right, maybe.. Maybe there is something else and she's just trying to protect you and wants to keep you at distance"

Alex looks at her questioning, picking up her glasses and putting them back on

"Do you know something I don't?"

"Nope, nothing I need to tell you"

"Nicky?"

"Nope, nothing really. Listen Vause, I'm not the best to give you relationship advice anyway. I just think that maybe there is more to it"

Wiping at her eyes she replies "I don't really know if I can talk to her right now, I can't look at her right now without breaking all over again"

"It's just, you can read her like an open book, you said it yourself she looked out of it, not like herself right?"

"True to that, I'll need some time to think it over though" she lets out a little chuckle before continuing "I'm sorry you had to see me like this"

"No worry's Vause, like I said before, I think you're going soft on me"

Nicky retrieves her radio from her pocket and hands one of the ear buds to Alex "Wanna listen to music for a little while?"

Alex puts it in her ear and closes her eyes, letting the music wash over her.

* * *

Nicky walks over Piper who is lying in her bed and shoves her roughly against the wall.

"What the fuck Chapman, you decided to tell her another lie instead of just coming clean about everything"

"It's for the best Nicky, this way I won't have to disappoint her when I'm telling her the truth"

"Not disappointing her? I can't fucking believe you Piper, the truth would be so much better! You broke her, you literally broke her, I've never seen her like this! She's lost, she doesn't know what to do or think"

Piper sits up and looks at her with her wild red eyes "You didn't tell her right, you can't tell her yet"

"I swear to God Chapman, you literally can't hurt her more than you've hurt her now, if you don't tell her the truth soon, I'm gonna tell her! I hate to see her like this, she doesn't deserve this!"

"I know Nicky! Do you think I like seeing her hurt like this? I know I fucked up alright!"

"Yeah you fucked up, but you are taking it all to a whole different level by hurting her like this! In fact I don't really know how to deal with you right now, FIX IT Piper, or I will"

"You told me, you wouldn't tell her!"

"That was before you did this and made it all ten times worse! You are bad shit crazy for doing this to her Chapman!" After this Nicky walks out.

Piper sits on the bed a little while longer before rage takes over  
"Shit, Fuck, MOTHERFUCKER" sounds and colours fade to the background, all that remains is just pure hot rage.

She gets up and throws everything from her locker on the ground. All the contents inside her locker are next.  
She picks up her blanket and pillow and throw is against the wall, the pillow bounces with the force and ends up knocking all the things off of Red's locker.  
Somewhere along the way she bumped her arm against her nose, which is bleeding again, she however doesn't really notice this. The mattress is picket up and send flying, it ends up on the outside of her bunk,  
and slides a few meters before stopping. There are people yelling at her to stop, but she doesn't really hear them.

She throws her fist against the wall over and over, feeling the skin crack open, but it doesn't really hurt half that bad. At one point Nicky had come running back in and tried to drag her away from the wall, tried to hug her against her body.  
But in this moment Piper is just too strong for her.

She keeps screaming and punching the wall. Nicky is been pushed aside and she feels two pairs of arms force her against the floor and her hands are forced behind her back and cuffed.  
The CO's are talking to her but she doesn't register what they are saying.

She's being hauled to her feet and dragged along the hallway. Everyone is looking at her, but she doesn't really see them. She however does scan the crowd in search for a familiar pair of green eyes behind well-known glasses,  
but she never finds them. They lead her all the way outside and into a van. It isn't until the van stops and she looks up that she realizes where they are taking her.

* * *

Back inside Alex makes her way over to the suburbs to see what all the commotion was all about.  
She steps up next to Lorna and looks over at the mess that is Pipers bunk, it isn't until she sees the blood on the wall and the droplets all over the floor that she asks;  
"What happened?"

Nicky looks at her not really knowing what to say. It's is Lorna who decides to speak up  
"Chapman lost it, all screaming and throwing stuff, she looked sorta wild, it actually scared me"

Alex eyes twitch before asking "Where is she"

"They took her to SHU"


	5. Loneliness and Realisations

And I, I hate to see your heart break  
I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close  
But I've been there before

Hate To See Your Heart Break - Paramore

* * *

14 days, 336 hours, that is how long she's been in this little box of a room.

Not that Piper knows this. She doesn't know if it is day or night, has no idea of time. Maybe it's only been a week, she could have been in here for months as well.

Her knuckles have started to heal, they have a thick layer of crust on them.  
From that she guesses it has been at least a week.

She isn't even hungry anymore, swallowing down the nasty food you get here has become a little bit easier, though she'll never get used to it.

Healy had stepped by to tell her her behaviour was not acceptable, neither was demolishing federal property. He said she's lucky she wasn't thrown in Psych.

She doesn't really feel lucky though. There is really nothing down here, and between the constant light, the losing of time and the screaming of other inmates she can hear through the walls,  
being left with nothing but your own thoughts is the worst.

She broke Alex. She had never really loved anyone like she loved Alex. She never stopped loving her, hell it's probably not possible to stop, even if she tried.  
God knows she tried.

How could she be so stupid, Nicky was right, she should have told her the truth, it would probably have been better than this. Alex told her everything was possible as long as they went through it together.  
Maybe she really is a bad person. She really has no one left. She is a disappointment in the eyes of her parents, her brother is trying to build his own life. No Larry, no Polly. And the worst of it all, no Alex.

She's completely alone in this cell, with no one left that is missing her.

* * *

2 weeks, that's how long Piper was in SHU already, Alex knows, she had kept count, hoping every day to see her walking though the hallways again. Just to know she was alright.  
She kept repeating their last encounter in her head. Piper had seem different and slightly out of it. Nicky was right, there had to be something else going on as well. She heard the story about what  
happened and how Piper was acting before being send down to the SHU, that wasn't like her, she must have been in a really bad place to be able to lash out like that. Now she is down there all by herself,  
with no one to talk to. She wishes she could talk to her, even if Piper didn't want to, she will never stop caring. It's then that she decides to try to talk to her one more time when she returns.

Alex signs before getting out of bed. She had been moved to the bunks again shortly after Piper left, ironically enough she was assigned Pipers old bed.

Making her way over to the cafeteria she is joint by Taystee "Hey tall white girl, you heard anything about my old bunkie yet, damn your girl has some serious strength in her, I'm definitely impressed!"

Smiling sadly at the girl she replied "No I did not, and she's not my girl, nor will she ever be my girl again, we are over"

"Sure, you're over and then you get back together again, that's how it goes between you two, let me know when you hear something though,  
I've heard SHU is not a good place to be in, and the fact she's been there before won't change that"

With that Taystee retrieves her breakfast tray and makes her way over to her friends.

Alex gets hers as well and sits down on the only empty table left. It wasn't long before she was joined by the rest of their little family.

"You know she'll be alright, right Vause? She's tougher than I thought" says Nicky softly.

Alex looks at her before nodding "I hope so"

* * *

Another food tray is been pushed through the door, Piper takes it and looks down at it. She can't really make out what it is. By looking at the food you can't really tell which meal it is either,  
she's guessing its diner though.

She pushes the thick substance around on the plate before poking it. "What is this anyway?" Picking a small portion she chews barely once before swallowing it, hoping to taste as less as possible.  
"Yikes". She finishes the whole thing anyway and decides to just lie down on the bed again.

With not much to do her head decides to take her to someplace else again.

She thinks of the first time she met Alex, and how she immediately felt drawn to her. And even though her job was sometimes risky, Alex always made sure nothing happened to her.  
Alex made her feel safe, complete. She thinks of all the places they have been together. The best days of her live, and the best memories she has, they all were with Alex by her side.

After all those years apart, seeing Alex again was a surprise. Sure, in the beginning she was mad at her and didn't really know how to deal with it. But the second they got closer again, it had felt like coming home. Alex was her home.  
They could be everywhere in the world, but with Alex right next to her, she was home.

She's started crying again and wipes at her eyes harshly. She thinks of Alex lying next to her in the small prison bed "I heart you".

Next thing she hears is "I'm not in love with you anymore" how could she be so stupid to say those words to her?  
The last thing she sees before drifting into a dreamless sleep is Alex slowly breaking in front of her.

* * *

Alex was mindlessly folding laundry, Pennsatucky was on the other side of the table folding as well.

"Hey Vause, how's being back here going for you"

Alex snorts before replying "Yeah really good, a walk in the park actually, never been better"

Tiffany lifts her hands in surrender "Sorry, I was just trying to strike up a conversation, no need for sarcasm"

"Yeah well, I don't feel like it. I never liked you anyway, and I heard what you did, just leave me the fuck alone"

"Look I'm getting closer with Big Boo, she's pretty nice, look at my new hair, she convinced me it was a good change. Talking to her made me realise your kind is not so bad after all"

"My kind?"

"Lesbians. I realised they are not so bad after all, besides the good Lord taught me to forgive others their sins you know. We can hang, just don't kiss me ever again, that was nasty"

Smirking she replies "And here I was thinking you were enjoying yourself! Anyway, I'm pretty sure that little speech was quite offensive"

"No I was just stating ground rules"

"Ground rules? What is this a toddlers birthday party? I'm officially done talking to you, just don't bother me anymore, otherwise I won't keep those sinner hands to myself"

Pennsatucky falls silent and turns away to retrieve some more laundry out of the dryer after this.

* * *

Lorna walks up to Nicky who's munching on some pretzels in her bed.

"Hey Nicky, how are ya holding up, how's Red, she coming back soon?"

"Heard she's doing better, her wounds are healing, don't know when she will be returning though"

"Alex seems to be having a hard time with Piper being in SHU"

"Yeah" Nicky offers her some pretzels after this

Lorna takes some and chews them slowly "I heard they had a fight before she was send down there, ya think that's true?"

"They had a fight, Piper sorta broke up with her, even though they were not really together either, I talked with both of them after"

"Oh I see. You are a good friend Nicky"

She rolls her eyes at this "Yeah sure, Piper told me some things. They had a fight, I came to talk with her, and we had an argument. Not long after, girl loses it"

"Nothing of all that is your fault, you tried to stop her though"

Nicky snorts at this "Look how that turned out, I couldn't even hold her back"

Laying her hand on Nicky's cheek, she turns her to be able to look in her eyes.

"It was the effort that counts, I thought it looked pretty bad ass, and kinda cute" she leans in and lands a small kiss on Nicky's mouth, whose eyes slip shut and freezes.

"Mmm you taste like those pretzels" Comments Lorna, before getting up "I'm going to watch some TV, I see yooouuu later" she blows her a kiss before walking out.

Just then Alex decides to walk in her bunk "Hey Nichols, do you wanna play a…. hold up" she readjusts her glasses leaning in a little teasingly "Are you blushing?"

"Oh fuck you Vause" says Nicky turning away.

"Aww you so are! Hey didn't I see Lorna just walk out here?" she wiggles her eyebrows "Little something something happening there?"

"None of your business Vause! Let me eat my pretzels in peace!'

Alex sits next to her on the bunk drawing her knees in.

"You know she has you wrapped around her little finger right?"

Nicky snorts "Does not"

"Does too"

"Not"

"She does"

"You're no different with Chapman, I don't think there's anything you wouldn't do for that girl"

"Wouldn't have done"

"Bullshit, you still would"

Alex lets out a big breath before replying "Yeah, you're probably right"

"That's what I thought"

"I don't really know how to deal with this, my feelings are all over the place all the time, I don't want to care, but I do and I can't really change that"

"I understand the struggle" Nicky pops in a few pretzels before continuing "I'm sorry I brought it up" she offers the bag to Alex "Pretzel?"

"Its fine" she eats some pretzels before saying softly "I miss her"

Nicky looks at her and signs "I know you do" smiling she ads "Hey.. Even I kinda miss her, girl sorta grows on you with all her drama and all, I mean someone has to keep me entertained"

Alex shoves her a little "Asshole"

Shrugging her shoulders she replies "You know me"

"Yup, and I know that underneath that tough exterior lays a very nice young lady"

"Nope, I'm a badass look" Nicky lifts her arms and flexes her imaginary 'guns'.

Laughing loudly Alex says "Uhuh, very impressive, someone restrain me I'm going wild with desire right now"

"I knew it!"

"Sooo wanna tell me what happened with Morello yet?"

"Yeez Vause, curious much, watch out, some might think you're jealous"

She chuckles at this "That must be it, I won't mind getting all up on that"

"Been there done that"

"I was talking about Morello"

Nicky punches her arm for this "No, you wouldn't do that cause you're my friend"

"What I got from that is that you want her allll to yourself. Or that you don't want me to go after her because you're afraid she will forget all about you" Smirks Alex.

"You're a prick Vause! besides she won't go for you at all"

"You sure about that?"

Nicky rolls her eyes at her "Yes, and besides she just kissed me"

Alex lifts her hands triumphantly "I knew I would get it out of you, awe you guys kissed and she got you all blushing and shit, must have been one hell of a kiss"

Nicky looks away "It wasn't like that, it was just a little peck"

Alex lifts her eyebrows at this.

"Fuck you Vause, it just took me by surprise is all"

Laughing Alex replies "Relax Nichols, It's sweet though" she pokes her cheek before teasing "I think someone might be in loooove though"  
she starts singing "Lorna and Nicky sitting in a bunk K.I.S.S.I.N.G"

Nicky shoves her away "Shut it Vause, you fucker. And by the way you're singing it wrong, they are sitting in a tree"

"You were sitting in this bunk though, I thought it was creative"

"Get lost, why did you come here in the first place?"

Rolling her eyes Alex says "Nice friend you are. I just came by to ask if you wanted to play cards"

Nicky stands up and brushes the pretzel crumbs of off her shirt "Lead the way"

* * *

"Chapman up"

Piper blinks a few times to see a CO standing in the doorway of her cell.

"What's going on?" she asks as she sits up

"It's time for your shower, now up inmate, or no shower for you!"

She gets up to fast and feels the room spin for a second, quickly putting her hand against the wall for support.

"NOW inmate!"

She quickly shuffles over to the CO holing up her wrists so he can cuff them.

Walking over to the showers she asks "Since when are we getting showers in the middle of the night?"

He ignores her and un cuffs one of her hands so she can take her clothes off before cuffing her to the wall. "Now shower and quit the questions".

She closes her eyes and tries to turn out the blatant staring of the CO. She hates taking showers here, they just stand there looking, perverts.

Concentrating on turning out how cold the water is, she feels a slight comfort wash over her. This once was her happy place, now she just feels very uncomfortable.

She imagines Alex there with her, holding and washing her, laying soft kisses on her shoulder before moving up to her lips. She is so lost in thought, she can practically feel her there.  
A slight smile washes over her face.

It's then the water is turned off and a towel is thrown at her. "Time's up Chapman".

She gets dressed and is walked back to her little holding cell. There she gets a tray with yet another weird substance on it.

"Dinner" says the CO before turning away, closing the door.

One she's alone again she sighs, looking down at the tray. "So it's dinner time then"

She sits down on the ground against the door "I wonder what you're eating right now Alex. I hope it looks better then what I'm having" she takes a bite and quickly swallows it. "I hope it tastes better as well"

"I miss you Alex"

She pushes the tray again feeling nausea rising.  
She puts her head against the door and looks up at the dirty ceiling "I need you Alex"


	6. The New Roommate

Can I lay by your side, next to you, you  
And make sure you're alright,  
I'll take care of you  
And I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight  
Sam Smith – Lay me Down

* * *

"Hey you can't touch that!" Is the first thing Alex says when she sees the CO's boxing up Red's stuff.

"Who is in charge here inmate? Definitely not you"

Alex steps forward and tries to gather some of Red's personal belongings "Still you can't just take them all away! Where is she? Is she not coming back?"

"Listen I can't give you much information, don't worry though, she's coming back soon enough, but she'll be getting her own bunk so she'll have more rest and a better recovery, now step back"

Alex hands him the items she collected back and puts them carefully in the box with Red's other belongings.  
"Thank you for informing me"

She makes her way over to Nicky's bunk to tell her the news. When she walks in she finds her listening to music with Lorna. After lifting her hand in greeting they take their headphones off.

"Red's coming back"

Nicky's eyes light up before asking "Really? What now?" She gets up to go great her.

Alex lifts her hand again, this time to stop her. "No not now, soon though, they just gathered her things, they told me she's getting her own bunk to stimulate her recovery"

"That's great news! She will like that, she used to never have a bunkie right?" Lorna asks.

"Yeah Chapman was the first one in years. You getting another roommate Vause?" Nicky replies.

"I don't really know, they didn't give me any other information. Anyway I just wanted to let you know. I gotta run, work starts in a few" Alex rolls her eyes as she says this, before making her way over to the laundry room.

* * *

Piper looks down at her hands. Her knuckles have healed completely. A nurse had come by a few days ago to check up on her they also removed the plaster on her nose, since it was almost completely healed as well.

The cell door opens en Piper glances up to find Healy standing there.

"Hello Chapman, how are you holding up" he asks stepping inside.

Sitting up a little straighter Piper points to her nose excited "Look all healed"

"Glad to hear this" He looks at her intensely "However I was hinting at your mental health"

Piper's shoulders slump after this "Oh I'm good, I didn't make many new friends down here though" She looks at him and points to the wall "I don't think my neighbour likes me that much,  
she yells almost all of the time, I tried to talk with her but she just never talks back, she only screams" she lowers her voice before continuing "I think she might be a little crazy".

Healy looks at her confused. "Right, right" He ran his hands through his hair slowly  
"I think it's time for you to go back to the regular prison. A month down here seems enough in this case. However, you are moving to the bunks straight away, we don't want to put you in the dorms first, for safety reasons"

Piper's eyes go wide at this "Safety reasons? Am I in danger?"

"No Chapman, but after the little stunt you pulled, we don't think it's safe to put you in a room with 6 other persons. Having only one roommate seems like a better idea. Also, we can keep track of you better that way" Healy explains.

"I'm not going to hurt anyone mister Healy"

"And I didn't say you would. We just want to make sure, seeing as this was not the first time you totally lost control. Now are you ready to go?" Piper just nods.

Another CO comes in and leads her through the hallway and outside. The sun is shining, she looks up and smiles. The feeling of fresh air is amazing. She gets led into a van and a bag with new sheets and the usual prison clothes is pushed in her hands.

"Chapman, good to see ya. A month is a long time! You look skinnier" says Lorna from the driver's seat.

Piper nods "Now I'm out I actually start to feel hungry"

Lorna smiles softly at her "I heard the food down there is bad. We'll get ya something to eat soon enough, it's almost lunch time"

Piper sighs "Thank God! Oh hey look my nose healed"

Lorna stops the van in front of the regular entrance and cuts the engine. She gets out and opens the door for Piper, looking at her concerned "I noticed, it looks a lot better, now let's get you inside"

They walk up towards the building, and Piper feels the people stare at her already. At the door there is another CO waiting for her  
"I have to run a few other errands, I'll see you at lunch. Welcome back Chapman" Is the last thing Lorna says before rushing away.

She is being led to the suburbs, inmates look at her and she hears them whispering. After what seems like forever they halt to a stop outside her old bunk.  
"This is you Chapman, don't make a scene" whit that the CO is gone.

Piper sighs and walks in. To her confusion she sees her old bed is already made and the bed that was originally Red's was empty. She puts her stuff on the locker and starts making the bed. Once done she looks over at her former side of the bunk. She can't help but feel like she recognizes a few of the items on her roommate's locker.

Glancing at the clock on the wall she sees she still has some time before lunch. She decides to go take a shower. SHU had made her feel dirty. She gathers her stuff and is on her way.

On her way over she is greeted and welcomed back by Taystee and Poussey who are pushing a car with books towards the library. She thanks them, but other than that doesn't interact much.

The showers where almost empty, which she was expecting, seeing as most of the people were working at this time. The shower is much warmer than the ones she had in SHU.

She closes her eyes and takes some time to just breathe. It felt good to be able to walk around free again. As free as you can get in prison. Still taking a shower without a guard who doesn't take their eyes of you is much better. Her stomach rumbles and she is being reminded how hungry she is. Thinking of lunch makes her a little anxious though, she probably will see Alex there. She really wants to see her, but is nervous of how she will react. The last time they saw each other was not really positive. Besides Nicky could have told on her.

Once back in her bunk she notices that lunch time has already started. She quickly puts her things away and makes her way to the cafeteria before lunch time is over.

* * *

"Well if it isn't Chapman" is the first thing she hears while walking in the cafeteria.

She scans the tables and finds it was Nicky who said it. She looks at the table she is situated at and sees Alex sitting there looking back at her. For a moment she doesn't know how to act and just stares blatantly at her.  
She gets lost in her eyes before reality checks in on her again and she scurries to the food line.

Once she has her tray she tries to decide where to sit. She really wants to go over there and sit at the same table as Alex, she has missed her. She glances over at their table, and decides against it. She walks over to an empty table next to a window, on her way she passes Alex who rolls her eyes at her. Sitting down she takes a small bite of her bread.  
She suppresses the urge to moan at the taste. She never thought bread could taste this good.  
Before she knows it she is eating like there is no tomorrow. She's glad she finally has some food that doesn't have mold on it.

After finishing she decides to just go and sit outside for a while. She makes a little detour to the library chooses a book and goes to sit under her favourite tree.

* * *

Alex folds the final t-shirt and lays it on the pile of clean clothes. She is glad her shift is finally over. Piper is back from SHU and she really wants to talk to her. When she walked in the cafeteria she couldn't help but feel relieved to see her again.

Putting the clean clothes on the shelve she makes her way out of the laundry room. She walks back to her bunk and sees the other bed is made. "Guess I'm having a roommate". She liked having the place for herself.  
Rolling her eyes she makes her way over to Nicky's bunk.

"I have a bunkie" is the first thing she says after entering.

"She hot?" asks Nicky.

"I don't know, I was hoping you would have seen someone walking in there"

"Nope, didn't see anyone. Probably moved in when we both were at work"

"Figured as much" says Alex sitting down next to her.

"So Chapman is back"

Sighing Alex replies "So I've seen. She wouldn't even sit at the same table as me. She looked skinnier though, did she seem skinnier to you?"

"SHU does that to a person, the food is really bad, the worst really" Nicky chuckles before continuing  
"I think she was very hungry seeing how she was really stuffing her face and all"

Alex laughs a little at that, before looking serious again.

"I wish she would just talk to me, I just have to know how she's doing"

"You could always just go look for her and ask her, no harm in trying right? You have to be careful though Vause. You finally seem to get a little better, I don't want you to get hurt again"

Alex shoves her playfully "Thanks Nichols, you're a good friend" chuckling she adds "Little mushy sometimes though"

"Fuck you Vause"

They talk some more before the red light goes on, indicating it is time for count.

She gets up to walk back to her bunk. "Looks like I'm going to find out who that roommate is"

* * *

"Recount!" Alex looks at the empty place next to her. If her roommate didn't return soon they would set of the alarm.  
Just as the CO walks up to her bunk, Piper comes rushing in, book in hand and slightly out of breath she leans against the wall. The CO looks at her displeased.

"Sorry sorry, you see I was reading outside and didn't hear the warning sound" She lifts her book as if to prove her point.

"All clear!"

It is then Piper finally looks over at her roommate and sees Alex leaning against the wall, studying her.

"You are my roommate? You just came out of SHU, shouldn't you be in the dorms?"

Piper just stands there staring. Now she knows why she recognized the items on her roommate's locker earlier, it was all Alex's stuff. Alex is her roommate?

"Helloooo, earth to Piper"

She shakes her head clearing her thoughts "W..what?" she asks confused

"I asked why you are here and not in the dorms?"

Piper walks in and sits on her bed, she blushes lightly before replying "Oh.. Apparently they think I'm too dangerous to be in the dorms, to many people in one room"

Alex follows her inside and scoffs playfully "So they decided to put me in danger then"

Piper thinks for a moment. Alex must be pretty pissed that she is her roommate. First she broke her heart (and hers with it), and now she is forced to share a small bunk with her.  
She sighs before replying "I'm sorry you have me as a roommate Alex, I will be here as less as possible, and when I'm here I will stay on my own side and keep to myself, I won't bother you"

"You don't have to do that, it isn't your fault, we can share this place"

"You don't have to be nice to me Alex, I know I messed it all up before I went to SHU, and me being your roommate now doesn't change anything about that"

Alex stays silent after hearing this. Maybe Piper really doesn't want to be her roommate. She thinks back at the promise she made herself when Piper was in SHU,  
the promise that she would try at least one last time to get her to talk and open up again. She decides there's no better time than to start now.  
Taking a deep breath she walks over and sits next to Piper on her bed. "Look I have been thinking while you were in SHU" she lays one hand on Pipers cheek softly and strokes it with her thumb.

Piper looks at her questioning but doesn't move away "Alex what are you doing?"

Alex moves closer and starts again "Like I said I have been thinking" she leans closer before continuing  
"And I don't know what's going on with you, but one of the things I thought about is how I didn't believe shit from what you said to me before"  
after this she closes the distance between them and puts her mouth against Pipers in a soft kiss. She feels Piper stiffen but she doesn't move away.  
Alex put's as much love in the kiss as possible to try and change her mind. She stays perfectly still for a second before slowly moving her lips. After a few seconds she feels Piper respond and she smiles a little.  
Piper moves her arms and wraps them around her shoulders. Alex softly lowers them after this and lays her down on the bed. When Piper still doesn't pull away she decides to test the waters and swiftly strokes  
her tongue over her lower lip, Piper grand's her access and softly strokes her tongue against Alex's.  
It's a soft slow kiss, not a heated one, it's a kiss full of love. And when air becomes an issue Alex finally pulls away. She hovers above her for a second and just looks at her, before sitting up again, taking Piper with her.

Their eyes stay connected and Alex takes a big nervous breath before saying

"Tell me Piper, tell me you didn't feel anything and that you don't love me like I love you and I will stay away from you, no turning back"

Piper waits for a moment and stares at her. She looks in the eyes that look back at her with so much love. The eyes that make her feel so safe. The eyes where she drowns in every time.

"I can't"

Alex finally let's out the breath she's holding and hugs Piper tightly against her body.

"We can work this out Pipes, we can. Sometimes things will get hard, but we just have to remember that above all that happens in our lives, we love each other, end we can take everything that gets thrown at us,  
because in the end our love is what will remain"

Piper clings to her replying "I'm so sorry Alex, for everything I did and said, I didn't mean it. I do need you. And I love you so freaking much. I never stopped. I was always in love with you"

Alex pushes her back a little and takes in her tear stained face. "I know, I knew there was something else there when you said you didn't" she wipes some of her tears away before saying  
"But you have to be honest with me Pipes, I need to know what brought this all on. Why you pushed me away, why you lost yourself and got thrown into SHU because of it, why you lied to me.  
I need to know it all Piper, you must trust me enough to tell me, please"

Piper looks at her after this and sees Alex is crying as well, she kisses both tear streaked cheeks and says "I know, and I do trust you, I just don't know how to tell you this"

"You can tell me anything, just please don't shut me out again" Piper looks at her and Alex is looking at her with so much love that she can't afford to lose her.  
She can't tell her the truth, she will turn away from her again, and she can't be without her anymore.

"It's just that… I really missed you, I was so afraid something would happen to you on the outside. And then you were back in and I was so glad you where alright. I was so happy I could touch you again,  
that I could take care of you and it made me feel selfish. I was disappointed in myself for sort of being happy to have you here, while here is in prison. And I got mad at myself for these thoughts"

Alex smiles at her after this "That is it? I understand you felt like that, you knew I was in danger on the outside, and you're just glad I'm safe. You missed me, I missed you, and now we are in here together.  
I understand you saw quite a few positive points in me being in here again. I see them as well. And I hate being in here, but at least we are in here together right?"

"Maybe you are right, but being in here is nothing you wish upon anyone"

"And you didn't, but you are still glad I'm here. I'm as well, since here is where you are"

This finally gets Piper to smile.

Alex smiles back at her and fixes her glasses, she lands a soft kiss on Pipers mouth

"I heart you kid"

"I heart you more"


	7. Almost

Piper wakes up to the feeling of someone watching her. She takes in her surroundings when her eyes find Alex's from the other side of the bunk.  
She smiles at her and whispers a "good morning". Alex smiles back at her and lifts her blanked up "come be my little spoon".

"What if we get caught?"

"We won't, most people are still sleeping anyway" She lifts her blanket higher and scoots back a little, urging her to come over.

Standing up quietly Piper scans the room before making her way over swiftly. She lies down and Alex wraps her up in her arms, nuzzling her head in Pipers hair "Comfy".

Piper intertwines their hands on her stomach. "I missed this"

"Me to Pipes, this is definitely a plus of sharing a bunk together"

Piper thinks for a minute before replying "I don't seem to find any downsides"

"Waking up because you're snoring is one"

"I don't snore!" Piper scoffs.

"I know, I was just kidding"

Nudging her shoulder back a little Piper says "Meany"

Alex doesn't reply to this and starts trailing kisses up and down Pipers neck softly.

Piper cranes her neck a little to give her more access. Pushing back a little to get closer.

Stroking her thumb over Pipers stomach softly she bites her ear lobe lightly before asking in a husky voice "So don't I get my good morning kiss"

Piper shivers before turning around in her arms. Their lips meet in the middle in a soft kiss.

Retreating Piper whispers again "Good morning baby"

Alex smirks at her "A good morning indeed" before crashing her lips against Pipers again. She feels Pipers tongue dart over her lower lip and smiles into the kiss before granting her access.  
Their tongues slide against each other and Piper lets out a soft sigh. Alex slides her hand down Pipers back towards her knee. She urges her to bend it and Piper wraps her leg around her torso. Settling  
her hand on Pipers ass, she rolls her body into hers. Piper lets out a moan which encourages Alex to roll into her again. Piper slowly trails her hand towards Alex breast before cupping it starting  
to roll her nipple though the thin fabric of her shirt. Alex moans and they start to grind into each other more urgently. By now they are both completely lost in desire and because Piper has her  
leg hooked around Alex, Alex hits her just right. She feels herself getting closer and starts to shudder lightly. Alex knows she is getting close and bends her own leg a little, which results in Piper practically grinding on it.  
Alex uses the hand on Pipers ass to guide her and it isn't long before Piper moans into her mouth rather loudly and falls over the edge. Alex holds tightly her and let her ride out her orgasm.

Piper buries her head into Alex neck mumbling "Oh my God"

Alex chuckles and just strokes her back softly. After calming down a little Piper moves back. They just lay there staring into each other's eyes until Piper looks away blushing lightly.  
"What?" asks Alex smiling. Looking back at her Piper replies "Just that that was pretty amazing, but I can't help but feel a little embarrassed. Alex smirks at her "You don't ever have to feel embarrassed around me".  
She moves a stray of hair out of Piper's face before continuing "I'm just glad I still have that effect on you"

* * *

They put down their food trays and sit opposite Nicky and Lorna who are already eating their breakfast.

"So you haven't killed each other I see" Is the first thing Nicky says after they sit down.

Lorna smacks Nicky's arm and smiles over at them "You guys seem happy, you talked it out a bit?"

Piper smiles back at her "Yeah we talked some". Alex puts her arm around her shoulder and lays a kiss on her check before adding  
"And we are great, right babe" Piper nods before looking down blushing.

"I'm sensing someone is getting some" Nicky teases her.

"I'm sensing someone is not getting some" Alex retorts right back.

They all laugh at this except for Nicky who looks over at a laughing Lorna. "Hey, you're supposed to be on my side!"

"Why?" Alex asks "because she's your girlfriend?"

"You told them I'm your girlfriend?" Chimes Lorna.

"No I did not! Of course not! Since you are not my girlfriend and all" Nicky rushes out.

"So you don't want me to be your girlfriend?" Alex and Piper simultaneously snort at this.

"That's not it! I want you to be my girlfriend. I mean I don't want you to be my girlfriend. No that's not right I mean…I mean.." Alex is crying with laughter by now, it is Piper  
who finally takes pity on Nicky and decides to help her out.

"What Nicky is trying to say. Is that she didn't tell us you are her girlfriend, because you are simply not, and she never would spread lies about you.  
She cares about you a lot. And if you were to be her girlfriend, telling us would be something she would have discussed with you first. Furthermore did she not want to offend  
you in any way, since if you where her girlfriend she would be really proud to call you so"

Nicky lets out a relieved breath and sends a thankful glance at her before looking back at Lorna "What she said"

Alex just keeps on laughing.

* * *

"A little to the right" Says Nicky peering into the black box. Piper shifts next to her and adjust the flashlight to the right. The lights went out in the chapel, after Luschek and the rest of the inmates  
who were in electrical changed all the lamps, the lights still wouldn't come on. So Piper and Nicky where send down to the basement to check the main electrical box.

"Hold on I thinks I see something" Nicky moves her hand around a little before sighing "False alarm it's just dust"

Piper lets out a puff of breath, blowing a few strands of hair out of her face. "You see, I don't get why we have to do this, I don't know anything about this"

"That's why I am doing all the work and you're just holding the flashlight"

"Fine, let me have a look then" Piper says, trying to push Nicky out of the way.

"I was just kidding Chapman, you and I both know I know more about this, besides I need both my hands and someone has to hold the light" she pushes some of her hair out of hair face before peering  
back inside "Oh hey I found it!, The fuse is burned, we'll need a new one, can you hand one over"

Walking over to their little toolbox Piper asks "Ok what am I looking for"

"Look for a little white item, it looks a little like a bottle stopper" Piper finds something that looks like it and hands it over. Nicky changes the fuse and the little green light at the top starts burning,  
indicating everything works. "We fixed it!"

"We did?" Piper throws her hands up in satisfaction before holding one up towards Nicky, who gives her a high five replying "Good teamwork princess"

The gather their tools and start making their way back to the chapel.

"Nicky I've been meaning to thank you, for being there for Alex when I was in SHU, and for always putting up with me, I mean I know you're mad at me and all it's just…"

"Okay I'll stop you right there" Nicky puts a hand on Pipers arm to stop her and turn her towards her. "I was mad at you for what you did to Alex, I like her and she's always been a nice person  
to be around, but I see you as my friend as well and I shouldn't have yelled at you, neither is it my place to tell everything you told me to Alex"

"So you haven't told her then?"

"No Chapman, it simply isn't my place, you trusted me by telling everything, and I am no snitch. Only thing I can do is give you advice"

"And I will tell her eventually I'm not planning on keeping it from her forever. Oh I also wanted to thank you for trying to hold me back that day I was send to SHU, Alex told me you tried"

"I was really thinking you would smash my face in for a second there Chapman" Laughs Nicky

"I really don't think I would have, although I don't recall much from what happened"

"Let's just be glad you're back, and you're welcome"

They continue walking before opening the door to the chapel to see every light possible burning.

* * *

Piper sits down on her bed with a sigh. Alex looks up from the book she's reading. "Long day?"

"It was all right actually, we had to change all the lights in the chapel, just to find out that the main fuse was burned"

Alex pats the bed next to her before saying "Come sit with me" Piper walks aver and sits down next to her, Alex wraps her arm around her shoulder and she cuddles up immediately.

"How are you really? You just came out of SHU after being there for a month"

"I'm okay I guess. I hated it down there, they slowly turn you crazy. The food is so bad you have a hard time deciding to eat it or just starve to death.  
The showers are the worst, those CO's just stand there gawking. I have been doing a lot of thinking though, I finally had some time for myself."

"That's really bad, I can't even begin to imagine having to be there for such a long time. I would go crazy. I'm really glad you made it out alright, except for being way to skinny,  
I'm planning on having you eat more. What did you think about?"

"You mostly" Piper grabs Alex's hand that rests on her shoulder and intertwines their fingers. "I thought about how bad I wanted to make things right with you again, about how I missed you.  
I thought about you when I was eating, thinking about what you would be eating, imagining you there with me so we could eat together. I thought of you when I couldn't sleep and wondered if you  
would be sleeping in that moment, and if you were alright. I thought about my parents and about Cal as well, but just a lot less"

Alex lands a kiss on Pipers cheek after hearing this. "I thought about you a lot as well. I hoped you were alright. I knew from others the food was really bad down there, and I felt bad for eating.  
I thought about our last conversation before you got send there as well, that there was something in your eyes and I just knew you were lying. I promised myself that when you would come back I would talk to you,  
even though I was mad at you for leaving me again, but like I said before, there had to be something else. I'm really glad you're back kid, and that we're alright. We are alright right?"

Piper looks over at her and smiles "Yeah we are"

Alex kisses her softly before saying "Oh hey, now we are talking I wanted to tell you about how I got back in here as well, since I know it bothers you and all"

Piper tenses hearing this, fearing for what is to come. "You don't have to tell me Alex, it must be hard on you"

"No that's alright. It's really stupid how it all happened. So I just packed my bags for leaving, like I told you I would. It is then I heard something at my door. I was afraid someone was coming for me,  
so I took out my gun. The door flies open and in steps one of my neighbours together with my probation officer and another officer. They just came by to check on me, since they couldn't get a hold on me.  
They saw me with the gun and they found my packed bags, and here we are"

Piper stays silent after hearing this, her mind is screaming at her to tell her. Instead she just kisses Alex and says  
"That sucks, especially because you came so close to escaping, you planned it all out. I'm glad you're safe though"

* * *

Nicky walkes down to the deserted laundry room. She just had a phone call with her mother. She called her every once in a while. However her mom just told her she didn't want to be called for some time.  
Her mother had cut of the last little bid of contact they had, and thereby taking away her last bid of contact with the outside world.

She pushes a laundry card aside and takes the grid of the ground vent. Sitting down cross legged she takes out the packages of cocaine and stares down at them. Just a little whiff and she would forget about it all.  
Forget about how her mom was the only person she had left, and even she didn't want to talk to her anymore. She opens one of the packages and makes one perfect line. She leans down and closes her eyes.  
One whiff will be okay. She would put the packages back afterwards and just relax for a little while. She knows better though. Once she takes one bit, she probably wants to have that feeling again. She will come back  
and use it more frequently. She takes one deep breath before blowing as hard as she can, sending the little amount of white powder all over the place. She quickly puts the packages back in the vent and closes the grid.  
She shoves the laundry card back in front of it and puts her fists in her hair in anger and disappointment. She kicks the wall before deciding she has to get out of here, get as far away of the drugs as possible.

Not really trusting herself right now she decides it is better to not be alone for a while. She makes her way over to Lorna's bunk without really thinking about it. She is relieved to find her sitting on her bed.  
She sits down on her bed and draws her knees up, burying her head between them.

Lorna moves over and puts her hand on her shoulder "Nicky? Hey what's wrong?"

Nicky stays quiet for a while before mumbling "I'm such a fuck up"

Not really know what to do Lorna just moves her hand up and down her back "It'll be alright"

Nicky starts talking after this, her words are all mumbled and very hard to hear, since she has her head buried between her legs still.  
However Lorna is able to get some words though, she can make out "Mom" nothing "Alone" something "drugs" and "disappointed" .

Stroking her head Lorna says "Slow down Nicky, I can't hear you, come on look at me and tell me what is wrong"

Nicky looks up and Lorna sees she's crying. She wipes some of Nicky's tears away, but stays silent to give her some time.

Taking a big breath Nicky starts "I called my mom, she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, I felt so alone. She was the only one I had left. I was so angry I just wanted to forget. I almost did it Lorna. I was so close,  
and now I'm so mad at myself and so disappointed. And Red isn't here and I really don't know what to do Lorna"

Taking Nicky's hand in hers Lorna asks "What are ya talking about?"

"The drugs Lorna, there is a whole stash of it. I almost did it, hell I had it all lined up already"

Lorna sighs before saying "You're mom is stupid for putting someone as amazing as you out of her life" she lays a soft kiss on Nicky's tear strained cheek  
"You didn't do it. And pulling away when you're so close is so hard. Ya came here instead, I'm so proud of you. You don't ever have to feel alone, I'll always be there for you."


End file.
